. . . damn man. . .

. . . shit is so different right now. . . or it just feels that way. . .

packed everything up last saturday and moved it out. . . unloaded everything into my old bedroom at my parents' house. . . took a look around my old room and sigh the sadness of the feeling of being back at square one. . . even though I know I am not really. . . everything is different. . .

i'm broke. . . hopping back and forth from town to town. . . trying to keep my shit together. . . smashing open mic nights hoping I don't spend my last dime on that show in vain. . . willing shit into existence as usual. . .

. . . but that hoping brings stress man. . . assurance is golden and I don't have it right now. . . I just have my will and drive. . . I feel free in my choices. . . I could do whatever and that is beautiful but. . . man this is fucking stressing. . .

preparing to make this big move and hoping for the best. . . recording my ass off as soon as I can. . . writing constantly and hoping and dying for something useful. . . working on tracks and clawing through to find a winner. . . attempting to bang out rehearsals and put everything on the line. . . everyday looking myself in the mirror and telling myself I have to go out there and fuck shit up or there is no point. . . be the beast or give up. . . be the lion or lay back and make a paycheck be your focus. . .

everyday I get up with a verse in my mind that I am already tearing to pieces with criticism about how it isn't good enough. . . if this is what I want to do with my life I have to be at my best and fuck shit up. . .

I gotta win man. . . I have to. . .

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Mo Niklz Comment by Mo Niklz on April 2, 2009 at 11:02am
A "regular" lifestyle can always be put on hold. Besides just about everybodies working from square one right now inbetween being on unemployment or having to take jobs that are quite honestly beneath them. So don't feel like your missing anything here by not going down the path most traveled.

Your a huge inspiration to all of us and we wish you the best.

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